Fat Forum Weight Loss and Diet Support :: View topic - My entire definition of myself is that I'm fat.

Ficcie · 08 Mar 2010

I'm 16.
Weight: 234.
BMI: "severely" obese.

When I meet someone new, or see someone on the street, I feel as if I'm introducing myself to this person as, "Hello, I'm fat. I'm hideous, disgusting, and should have killed myself years ago. Ignore me, because I'm worthless."

Every time I try to loose weight it fails within hours. Dieting is embarrassing. It confirms the fact that I know I'm disgusting. Hideous. As I've hears kids on the bus describe me... "gross". Exercising is ten times worse. I can just hear their thoughts. "How disgusting and lazy is she? She's probably walking so fast to go get doughnuts." I almost convinced myself to puke up my dinner tonight. I wonder how many more nights it will take before I do.

I'm a strict atheist nowadays. I think of the human race as one big cosmic mistake. When I die, I know I will rot in the ground just like the fishies and the birdies. So, I think to myself, what's the point in living anyway? I only get a few years to live, and then it won't have even mattered.

With all that said, what the hell profession could possibly be worth my sixty some years left on Earth?

I've been courting a boy I like for awhile now. I think he might be interested in me, but every time I think that, little gremlins in my head push down those hopes and crush them to nothing. They didn't even have a chance. "How could he possibly like someone like me?" replaces my hopes. "You're disgusting," confirm the gremlins.

I've been growing away from everyone. Everyone annoys me. Everyone hurts me. Every little thing anyone does crushes me. I found myself raiding my friend's bathroom yesterday in search of a razor because the boy I like didn't want to sit with me.

I think you can guess what I wanted to do with it.

I'm struggling to not become suicidal and I just feel so alone in my head. Please tell me someone's out there that feels like this. Please, I need someone. ... anyone.

dccdiet · 03 Apr 2010

I had two sisters that were bigger in school and I worked hard to protect them. Sorry you are struggling. Hang in there and get some support to help you lose the weight, It is much easier to do things with someone to help and motivate. Just change your habits anad hopefully that will help.

DC

ironduck · 08 May 2010

i think the main problem of your diet problem is motivation, honey...

you can do it if you keep your motivation high, don't surrender. keep the diet. and just lower the portion of your food, and no dinner. more cardio exercises like jogging or swimming

http://expressdiet.mobi/

shazaanali · 14 May 2010

Check this guy out, let me know what you thing http://dontbelieveittillyouseeit.blogspot.com/

kylee40 · 17 May 2010

It doesn't matter every problem has solution. Got lots of friends and yes they're fat, but now they're losing weight, not because of what ohters think of you, but because they wanted to.